Watching Ted, Mark Wahlberg’s cussing (and pot-smoking) teddy bear, feels—according to my friends—a lot like talking to me in person (language-wise at least). Ted the teddy bear is obscene and overtly straightforward, doesn’t beat around the bush, loves the party life and refuses to grow up to adulthood. But what can we really expect of a teddy bear borne out of a Christmas wish? The saving grace is the hyped moral story of friendship and commitment; while with few funny, politically-incorrect and socially-inappropriate antics, and a dashing Mila Kunis in between, Ted pulls off some justice to comedy.
Why the hell can’t you make a decent pose?! Or should I say…why the hell are you not fun when you’re in a decent pose??
Before anyone accuses me of being a potentially grave human rights violator, please let me state, for the record, that I have never—ever—done any of these (well, maybe just the one that involved toothpaste—back in high school!). Nevertheless, for a different kind of funny, allow me to share with you some ideas I’ve cooked up for torture, out of boredom in class. You’re welcome to make additions.
What I like about this place…the girls are really very, very nice! They all speak English and, for an old white man like me, they are extremely friendly. Amazing!
She: I feel bad for your (future) wife.
Me: You think I’ll be a bad husband?
She: No. But you’re always hungry.
Nothing is more powerful than a young boy’s wish.
Girl: I want to strip tomorrow.
Club Manager: You don’t have proper clothes.
Girl: WTF, you’re supposed to take them off anyway!
Club Manager: OK, come at 8PM tomorrow.
I’m no feminist, and I will never understand the pain of childbirth. Not even circumcision sans-anesthesia. The closest I could fathom it with, today, is a boil popped.